Era of Mistrust and helplessness .

India and Pakistan which is on the crossroads over the Mumbai attacks, It has been established that people involved with the terrorist attacks were Pakistani nationals, despite many denials and cover up Pakistan had to acknowledge that people involved were its nationals। It was not an easy acceptance on behalf of Pakistani establishment, Prime Minister had to let go country’s National Security Advisor for his acknowledgement to the fact that people who attacked Mumbai were Pakistani’s.

India and Pakistan which has seen more then two full fledged wars, over the issues of Kashmir, which is part of India and Pakistan’s grudge over Indian participation in creating Bangladesh out of west Pakistan. Pakistan an Islamic Nation which was carved out of India in 1947 before India was liberated by Brittan, Since 1947 India and Pakistan were quick to sow the seeds of hatred and destruction, despite 60 years of half hearted efforts to bring trust and understanding between both countries, many documents were signed many confidence building measures were taken but as mentioned they were all an act to suggest that both countries were positively looking for peace and peaceful solution of all outstanding issues. The fact is that none of these Nations wanted sincere solutions to their problems. Pakistan which thrives on the Islamic based politics can’t afford to offend clergy and hardliners who are thirsty for the blood of Indians and Indian forces, Pakistani Army which had suffered an embarrassing defeat at the hands of Indian army in West Pakistan (Now Bangladesh) has a burning desire to take revenge for it. Despite sincere efforts of some of the progressive Politicians of the Pakistan, they were unable to face the radical elements in Pakistan, Be it Zulfikar Ali Bhutto or Benizir Bhutto, despite being moderate and progressive leaders of Pakistan they were not powerful enough to stand the country’s clergy.

India on the other hand which is one of the oldest civilizations is also hijacked by the fundamentalist elements, Bajrang Dal which is a radical Hindu organizations and responsible for the demolition of a structure known as Babri Masjid, (which was a Hindu temple hundreds of years ago as per Hindu writers and was converted to Mausoleum by the Mogul rulers who forced many million Hindu’s to Islam). It was clear politics to garner to the support of Hindu’s on religious sentiments, many thousand people died during this conflict; they were both Hindu’s and Muslims.

When two countries have such long history of mistrust and hatred towards each other, how can an easy solution or a fix can be found to address all their grievances, Pakistan which has distinction of being an exporter of terrorism through out the world, Pakistan has acquired Nuclear weapons to counter Indian progress, is alarming as it reminds me of a monkey with a banana in one and in fit of rage can yank it at any one any time.
India on the other hand is a fastest growing economy with the forth largest army in the world enjoys being a nuclear power and does make efforts to twist Pakistan’s arm whenever there is a attack on Indian soil, India needs to remember that radical actions of Hindu organizations are the fuel to the fire, they are the reason for the home grown terrorist, Muslims living in India are not always treated fairly or they are mislead on the name of religion by the clergy opt to follow the foot steps to the so called Martyrdom or to attain the presences of Virgins. What ever their reasons are but their acts quench the life out of innocent people, leave children orphan and women helpless, I have not read much about Islam but I am sure Islam does not preach the killing of Innocent people, if it does, I suggest you stop believing in God and become atheist.

Despite patience and efforts by Indian establishment, Pakistan has not done or shown enough proof of co-operation and it is clearly established that for many years Pakistani establishment has been providing financial and technical support to the anti establishment and trained them to fight Indian forces in India.
It seems Pakistan government has finally told these so called Jihad Machines to wind up their shops under international Pressure, although it is a big achievement for India but India has its doubts that Pakistan would come back to the Jihad track as soon as the pressure is off from the International community.
Pakistan which is fighting an internal war of fundamentalism, poverty, politics and strong army interference in the elected governments has it own growing pains. It would be interesting to see if Pakistan takes a step towards progress or back towards the dark age of training mercenaries on the name of Religion.

My quest for perfection!

We all have quest for perfection, some of us acknowledge it, and some of us expect it and some just compromise with it. I wonder if quest for perfection was something infused in us by birth or it is unattainable desire we all have within us. Are we all created to attain perfection if so we all should be perfect as the firework which works in sequence or as perfect as traffic lights which work on the programmed timing, but we are nothing like them. Why?

Human beings are also conditioned to accept or work hard to attain perfection; it starts from mother’s womb when a mom desires a perfect baby, a baby with sleek nose, sharp eyes and big smile. Every step of the growth reminds us about the perfection and levels vary from person to person, it is a never ending race which starts from the childhood and keeps till we move to the other world. Concept of perfections starts to sink in when a mom boosts to her friends that her child is perfect, what she doesn’t see is that it is her unconditional love for the child.
As we grow we all look for that perfect person who we all know does not exist but we still love to live in our own created world of deception and belief that there is some one perfect over there, a perfect match, a perfect boyfriend, a perfect girlfriend or a perfect husband and wife! Certainly we create dream world of our imaginations around us and those imaginations include what we want from others not what we have for others. We all aspire for what is higher then us or what is hard to attain and especially in relationships we go above and beyond to impress assumable future partner and each word said is sugar coated, boundaries of dreams and desires reach beyond the boundaries of moon and stars. We all try to be on our best behavior, share our best side, my question is how long can you sustain which is not you, but I admire a desire to change for the better and desire again leads us towards the beautiful pink door of perfection a world of dreams where pastures are green and birds sing beautiful songs every morning and evening to wake you up.
Expectation is a big empty sack which has no weight when you walk into any relationship with it but it is not too long when it starts filling itself with the pebbles of disappointments, arguments and deception. We all in order to keep alive what we have, what we love…. extend ourselves to all the measures which can make us perfect and desirable. It is not only in our world but also happens in animal kingdom, they too look for perfection in their mate, and certainly the criteria’s are different from ours.

We are conditioned to seek perfection and perfection comes in different forms, as a young man and women it starts from the appearances, What our eyes seek as a perfection is some one with proportionate physique, tall but not too tall, thin but not too thin, eyes to be certain way with certain colors, nose to be sharp but not too long or short, so is with the cheeks. Hair too is an issue, if you have less hair, which too is a major issue and makes you out of the category of the perfection. You will be lucky if you have all these short comings and still manage to be on someone’s perfect list. People not only change their behaviors but also their out look as well. We are witness to the ever increasing plastic surgery which fills in the as a gap wish to be perfect, I have many friends who have opted to go under knife just to make sure that they look perfect. My question, is looking perfect can make you perfect? Answer is no. Each time I try to find a perfect person the first question comes to my mind how many short comings do I have, if I start counting, the number is way beyond my finger tips. I sit back and question myself if I have so many flaws, what right do I have to expect or demand perfection from some one else. We all are tested on different levels, sometimes people think we are just a waste on the earth and other time some one would come and say Gosh you are perfect and that is the moment when I start looking at myself and then gaze the person who made comment, my first reaction may be she had little more then she should have consumed, or she really doesn’t know me. I do have doubts about myself so do millions, but we all try to project an image of perfection. I like what someone said “Every one is weird once you get to know them”

As human beings we are created with elements like emotions, pain, love, lust, greed, ego, pride and anger and to overcome these is not that easy. Recently I met a very beautiful person who has been feeling very low, I asked for the reason and answer was she does not feel as beautiful as she used to, my question to her was what makes a person beautiful and her obvious answer was I know it is not the skin but the beauty inside, I think she is very intelligent and collected person but still she was feeling insecure and less desirable. I found I was too incompetent of an individual to reason with her or to make her change her mind, she was not only mentally prepared to change her looks by increasing and decreasing certain parts of her body but was willing to go an extra mile to please someone people around her. I thought of millions of those people, who go through the plastic surgery to enhance their looks, every one has a different reason but the ultimate goal is to be desirable and feel needed. I admire their courage to change themselves for the simple reason to be a likeable person and I wonder if inner qualities or the outer shell makes a person desirable and I wonder what is after this? How much an individual can change him/her to be perfect?

An old epic story as per the Hindu mythology a man by the name of Vishwa Mittra who was a very pious person, he took oath virgnhood for rest of his life in order to attain control of Heaven, he was seeking perfection in himself despite the fact that all human beings are created with emotions and weaknesses, we can make an effort to be perfect but it is something which is hard to attain. In order to take control of the Heaven Vishwa Mittra went to the woods for pious worship, after many years of worship he was able to keep himself away from all material and earthly enticements, which has became the cause of concern for Indra (Controller of Heaven). He was having sleepless nights with the thought that he might lose his station to an ordinary man. He was looking for options to break his oath so he decided to send two beautiful women from the heaven to Entice Vishwa Mitra and they were not only able to entice Vishwa Mittra but also had his baby. He ended up fathering children with beautiful heavenly angels and forgot his mission. By indulging in physical relationship he lost his claim to the Heaven. It was something which was in him but he was fighting not only to his inner conscious but also his desire to stay away from the women in order to attain perfection but unfortunately he realized that perfection is something you can wish and desire for but you can’t hang yourself by the hook to attain it. This does indicate that all of us no matter how perfect we consider ourselves still attaining perfection is far distance a dream.

My friends always have issues, because the enter into a relationship with the beautiful dream that their admirer is perfect, certainly no ones fault but we all try to show our perfect side to impress or convey our desirability, which starts fading as two individuals come to know each other, some times it takes days and in other cases it takes plenty of years. How easy is it for two individuals to think on the same wave length? It is rare and not often two people think or have similar chain of thoughts, but still two people can live a very happy and fulfilled life if they don’t expect other to be perfect because we are not, Trust me if we were we will be not be deep thinkers or people with emotions, tears would never touch our eyes and heart would have no blues for any one, we will never feel pain.

I wish I could see my shortcomings before I search perfection in others, In Guru Granth Sahib, it says “My desire of finding faults in others took me to a place of no return! But when I sat down and searched inside me I could not find any one more sinner then I am!!”

जिंदगी की तलाश मैं !!

बिगडा हूँ बना दे तूं
जो सपना हूँ बुला दे तूं
जो चेश्मय नज़र आऊं आन्खूं से हटा दे तूं
गर यार सेहर आए ख्वाबून से मिटा दे तूं
बे रंग सी दुन्या है न रंगूं को सज़ा दे तूं

----------------------------

जीवन तुम बिन कैसे बीता किस को सुनाय किस को बतायं
नूर महल मे गन्गूर अन्देहरा किस को सुनाय किस को बतयां
उमर की ढलती शाम मैं हम ने हर कूने मैं चीराग जलाऐ
के जन्मूं का भटका मुस्फीर जो भूले से जे शहर को आए
पूछ जिगर के हाल न हम से हर कूने मैं ज़ख्म हैं खाय
बीत गये न जाने कितने मोसम पर अपना झारा थम थम जाए

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नहीं करार मेरे दिल को एक मुदत से
न जाने कोअन सी मंजिल की तलाश है मुज को
हवा चले है तू कानू मैं कुछ gungunay है
न जाने कूँ सी आवाज़ की तलाश है मुज कों
भरे शहर मैं मुस्फीर सा यार फिरता हूँ
नज़र नहीं जो आए उस शक्स की तलाश है मुज को
गुलूं के शहर मैं कांटे बी हैं चुबन बी है

On the cross roads......

Zoni Beigum’s home is quite and celebrations are gone with her only son, while all her neighbors and whole of the valley is celebrating Eid. All who are some what directly or indirectly involved with her misery are also celebrating.

Zoni had only one son who was 45 years of age just couple of weeks ago and now what she has is that she had a 45 years old son who became victim to religious fanaticism, what he left behind is his wife, a thirteen year old daughter and an old mother who doesn’t remember how old she is; and lots of unanswered questions, poverty, helplessness and pain; little Tabusam is still waiting for the return of her father who was a lorry driver working hard to feed his family, she also waits for the promise his father had made to her, a promise of new clothes, similar kind which Aishwarya Rai wears and lot of Eidi (sweets and chocolates). She has to wait rest of her life as her father was unable to fulfill her promise because his life was cut short by those who were fighting for a piece of land for religious place, a family man who had many dreams for her daughter, her education and marriage. I wonder how was it for Alii Sheikh who was surrounded by many thousand rioters who were protesting against the cancellation of a barren land which was allotted by government to Hindu pilgrims and later reverted back because of the protests of Muslims in the valley. It is political disaster for common people but a reason to get closer to the microphone for the politicians. He must have seen death knocking at his life; he must have seen those merciless eyes. Cannibals in the human form, what else can you call them who can’t think or value human life.

Kashmir has lost a generation to the militancy, people who are 20 years of age has never seen those peaceful and golden days of Kashmir, but they hear of it all the time from their parents and grandparents. Peace full Kashmir was turned into a violent fanatic state by some misguided and freedom seekers, majority of them are resting in the graves but left loved ones still grieve them and are unable to heal their wounds, they wonder what it would be like if they were alive?

After twenty years of horror and bloodshed on the roads, some people still don’t get it and for sure Sayed Ali Shah Gilani has no clue and doesn’t get it, because he has not lost his loved ones to the existing turmoil which he is also an architect of, all his children and grandchildren are safe under the watchful security of police protection by the state of India. He keeps infusing gasoline to the fire whenever the flames are ready to extinguish and there is hope of peace returning back to valley, whenever there is a hope that nightingles will sing again on the lofty trees of valley. He keeps it alive by scratching the old wounds and preaching hatred for Indian establishment and the fodder for the fire he ignites is poor people like Tabusum’s father Ali Sheikh who was on his way back from Jammu when he was caught in middle between the hate mongers, How can any one claim to have a religion when they advocate violence and killings that includes Gilani who leads the Friday prayers for Muslims. Ali sheikh knew that Hindu’s were agitating over the peace of barren land which was allotted to them for the religious purposes and Muslims were agitating against the allotment. Muslims are provided millions in subsidies by the state of India for their Hajj, what a double standard…… any way Hindu’s have right to protest the government decision but do they have right to resort to violence and killings? Ali sheikh was the victim of one of those mobs, who did not see love in his eyes for his older mother, for his daughter and wife, what they saw was a Muslim in a Hindu dominated community, all their hate for Gilani and his kinds were displayed on the poor Ali sheikh who even showed them that she has a little daughter who is waiting home for her gifts, he begged for forgiveness for none of his fault other then that he was born Muslim, but who was there to listen, some one poured gasoline on the truck and rest made sure that he can’t escape from the burning truck, police was quick to response and came to Ali Sheikh’s rescue but it was too late as Ali Sheikh was burnt 70%, Police shifted him to the nearby Army hospital for the treatment. All this time Ali Sheikh was thinking about his 13 year old daughter, poor mother and wife, where would he get money for treatment, who would feed them if Ali Sheikh dies? He struggled for few weeks but later succumbed to his injuries inflicted by the patriotic Hindu’s.
Government of India which has always played religion based politics is hesitant to call them rioters and secessionists because they rule the majority vote bank. Not all Hindus follow the sentiments of few who resort to violence because they have been messengers of peace for many centuries. But this new breed of fanatic political affiliates who have calculated moves for their own good…….. same or the other side of Gilani coin, Cunning and Opportunistic, they rally the emotions of unemployed less privileged youths who don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel to seek revenge and negotiate better political packages for themselves. No matter if you are a Muslim or Hindu, if you have hate for anyone or anything living trust me you are neither.

People responsible for Ali Sheikh’s cold blooded murder would never be brought to the book. State of India guarantees to protect the rights of its, living politicians and political affiliates under all circumstances even if they have been proven guilty of heinous crimes, they are bestowed with Chief Ministerships, Cabinet berths and protected bungalows, one such example is Chief Minister of Chattisgarh and many more….

Under political compulsions and compromises no one would be punished for Ali Sheiks murder, which would encourage similar behavior in future too and who cares for a poor lorry driver except little Tabusam who will be raised as an orphan, she will have no one she can demand things and expects unconditional love from someone, she will be one among 400000 who lost their parent on a path which promises freedom and peace. She will have nothing except hate for not only those who killed her father but all who belong to Hindu religion for rest of her life.
Eid went peacefully for Alii Sheikhs family; some friends and strangers brought few things for the family which is on the edge of starvation, but have plenty of tears to drink for rest of their lives.

Not sure what kind of freedom they wanted and what kind of peace they were looking forward to? Their Idea of one religion one country can live in peace or their merger with Pakistan could bring them much desired peace, then they need to look deep inside and ask a question why is it happening in Pakistan despite being an Islamic nation, Pakistan should have attained heavens of peace and prosperity but they are themselves in the hellfire and reaping what they sowed in Kashmir by encouraging the kinds of Gilani to wage war against young children, working parents. They not only shattered the dreams of those who wish and desire to live a peaceful life in ever changing world which by far is turning into a global village, where we all need to get together to solve human misery and hunger.

I wish I had magic or power and I could bring back Alii Sheikh to her family especially
to her 13 year old daughter, I wish I could see the hug Alii sheikh would give to her daughter, I wish I could see little Tabusam wiping tears of his father. I wish I could take those who killed him to the hellfire if one exists, I would not mind taking Gilani also there so he can feel the first hand experience of what pain and suffering means, What it means when your words become responsible for mass killings.
I am sure I will never have those divine powers otherwise kinds of Gilani and Killers of Alii Sheikh would be hiding in the burrows.

A Birds world........

Does any one know why the world is divided? I wish I had wings and I could fly, I could fly without the restrictions of boundaries and Visas, without the restriction of what religion I belong to and which places I can go, without the fear of those hateful eyes which constantly follow any one who is of a different color or look.
Birds do have a better view of the world but are still scared of the hunters who not only claim bravery shooting a little helpless bird but also feel pride in stuffing them to keep them in their drawing rooms for visitors to see.

I know one such bird a beautiful bird with lots of colors, she had two little babies, both are unable to feed themselves or protect themselves, their whole world is their beautiful mother, who shines in the beautiful sun when she moves out of her nest. She has worked hard to bring some thorns and sharp grass which she has spread around her nest so that snakes and other enemies would not be able to scale through those barriers, she brings mouthful of food and water for her babies and they get so excited to see her that they jump up and down as if they are saying you are magical mom!

It was a day with lots of clouds, and mom bid farewell to her babies and told them she will be back mid day with food for them, babies would like mom to stay there but they knew they will need food to survive so they say may creator keep you safe. Mother bird was little stressed that their was very little food left in the forest and she was told by another bird that there is a green home in town which belongs to a very generous man who leaves lots of food on his roof for birds, she thought of it and decided that she will go to the town and pick up food faster and come back to be with her children during this cloudy day.

She made her way to town and found a rooftop full of food, she was very happy to see that people care for birds, she thanked creator for such kind people and landed on the rooftop for food, she started feeding herself, when she was full she grabbed mouthful for her babies and was ready to fly to her children, she was unable to fly as she found herself covered from all directions, she made desperate efforts to find a way out but could not find one, she was afraid and her heart was beating fast, all of sudden she saw a man, a tall man with smile on his face, bird went closer to him and looked into his eyes and said can you please free me, their was no reply from the tall man, she again looked into his eyes and said I have little babies they don’t know how to fly and they are hungry, she got no reply from the man, little she knew that men don’t understand any other language except their own. She took off food from her mouth and said I am so very sorry for the food I ate and I promise I will return each of the grain back to you, could you please let me go, I promise I will never come back to town again, she made many pleas but there was no ear which can hear her, tears were coming down her eyes and she was worried about her babies.

Tall man left, she tried her best to come out of the trap but each try she would hurt herself, she was exhausted, tired and thirsty because of the many hours of captivity. It was getting dark, tall man came with a flash light and transferred bird to a very beautiful cage, cage with separate place for water and food. Lots of food and fruits were all around...... and were humans... who were looking at her with amazed eyes for her beauty. Bird thought that she might get released but that was her hope but not reality and the realty is she is housed into a beautiful cage. After she realized her fate she made last effort for her release, she hanged herself upside down in the cage (as her leg was tide with a string) and stopped taking food or water.
On the other hand little babies were worried about their beautiful mother and they were hungry too, they were scared who would protect us if snake comes here and the other one was thinking where did mom go, is she well, did she forgot way back home, they have lots of question and the only answer they had was that mom had gone to town for delicious food for us, little they knew that their mom now lives in a beautiful golden cage. After long wait little babies decided they will go to look for their mom, they were aware they have very little feathers or no feathers and mom had told them not to go out of the nest but they made a plan that they will fly together towards the town and bring their mom back home, they made their way closer to the branch and decided to take off, one of the babies in their quest to fly and find their mother fell down from the tree. He thought he might be able to fly, seeing his sibling on the ground other baby bird wanted to help him but was unable to do so, so he started crying for help, but his cries were so weak that no one can hear them and their mother had chosen a tree which was very tall and away from the rest of the birds so predators would not be able to reach her precious babies. After crying couple of hours and seeing his little sibling in pain he decided to reach him especially when the one on the ground told him that some ants were crawling on him. He jumped and fell right next to his other sibling and they were there for each other, night was getting darker and darker all the insects and species were gone to their place of rest, but these two motherless were staring in the open sky and bright moon still waiting that their mother will fly in and take them back to the nest. They were hungry but more then that they were heart broken for their mother, they talked whole night about their beautiful mother her beautiful feathers, her sweet kisses, hugs and warm cuddling, her beautiful stories about beautiful world, beautiful trees, beautiful meadows, lakes and streams. Her explanation of Good and bad, her advice and her unconditional love, they were dreaming and the night kept marching slowly….. slowly. It was getting colder and they tried to huddle next to each other in order to keep themselves alive till their mother finds them. They were worried that their mother will scold them but she loves them so much, she will forgive us one of them said. One kept talking while the other one was quite, so he asked him why are not you replying are you sleeping? He kept asking but got no response, He was no more so the other sibling kind of hugged him in a best possible way he could have done without feathers and much movement. I love you so much my dear brother, I should not have let you fly…. It was my fault, he kept crying ….night was getting longer and longer without any end in sight so the other one also bid farewell to this beautiful world which they had heard of but never seen or experienced. With the first ray of sun came vultures and took them away may be for their babies……

I went to my friends home, I knew he had lots of birds but those were all born in the cages commercially, I was never in favor of keeping anything in the cage but people say these birds are meant for the cage and would not survive outside and I always wanted him to see how it would be if he was in a golden cage at a place no one knew him and no one understood his language. He was very excited to show me his new catch, a bird hanging upside down in a golden cage. My first question was why this bird is hanging upside down and came the answer I caught her yesterday and she is in shock and wants out. “Why don’t you let her go” I told him. He tells me the beautiful things about the bird which included that they enjoy soaring high in the sky and lots of other habits which made no sense for the bird to be in the cage and all my arguments went to his deaf ears, I was quite upset and irritated but was not ready to give up my friendship for a bird. Aren’t we human beings selfish? Who has doubt about that......., so I left him and went for a long drive, bird was in my imaginations hanging upside down. I had to go back to his home, as he had invited me for family function, so I went back passed through the hanging bird, not sure how to react and what to say and what to do, Party was pretty boring for me. My friends wife came and sat next to me, she asked me why I was sad, I tried not to tell her but finally I told her about the helpless bird, she too was struggling with it, so we decided to go out in the lawn instead of sitting among a crowd of people who enjoy stuffed animals and birds. I asked her do you mind if I release the bird, she was all for it and encouraged me to release and no one would know as her husband would think some kid must have released the bird. I opened the cage untied her string and let her fly, she was so happy she took off immediately for a long flight, it was amazing that she came back sat on a branch looked at me as if she was saying thank you and went towards her journey to freedom a journey towards her beautiful babies.

She went to her nest and was devastated to see both her babies missing, she inquired about her babies and found out that they fell down from the nest to the ground and were taken away by a vulture, she without wasting time went to vultures nest and requested that he can have her but please spare her babies, she was crying and requested vulture for the safe return of her babies, vulture was very kind and told her he would not have brought them if they were not dead, vulture told her that they were lying dead on the ground with ants all around them. Vulture was very sorry that she lost her babies. Little bird was furious and heart broken, she fly back to town and went straight next to the tall man, looked into his eyes and said you killed my babies you are a killer of two innocent babies, you took my soul out of my body, I can’t wish same for you but may creator give you heart to respect other lives as well. Tall man saw was a bird chipping and told his wife see bird is back, I told you she likes the fruits and food I gave her. He again caged the bird.

Next day when I came to my friends home I saw the same or similar bird hanging upside down on enquiring I was told that she came back of her own and also bit my friend on the hand. My question if she came of her own why is she hanging upside down? I went closer to the cage and looked at the bird, it seems bird recognized me and she turned and sat on a swing in the cage, she looked at me with wet eyes, I tried to read, she was saying something but I could not read anything from her beak, So I looked into her eyes and she went into my soul saying what was the fault of my children? She had questions in her eyes and sadness on her existence, I opened the cage touched her with my finger, she came and sat on my finger I opened her string and brought her out of the cage, she was still sitting on my finger, I patted her with my other hand kissed her forehead and said I am very sorry what happened with you, I promise you I will never have a cage, even if it is made of the Gold and told her that she should fly back to her beautiful world and start a family again and forget all this as a bad dream. I know she will never forget it but time is a healer and may be……
She flew back sat on a branch of a tree looked at me, bid me farewell and took flight back home, this time she had no enthusiasm, no desire, no dreams but a wing following the other carrying her motionless body back to her once beautiful world now filled with the memories of her babies.

I wonder if we will ever get out of the cage we have made around us? Many questions and fewer answers……………………..

1984 A dark day of Indian History

1984 a year marked with Red Ink on the face of Indian Democracy, Year and the day which would always hunt those who lived through it for their lives and would stay as a soar for next generations to come। A republic of India which under constitution guarantees to safeguard and protect life and human rights of its citizens has failed numerous times to do so but still claims to be a nation of communal harmony and brotherhood, Nation of saints and Sufi’s…………… Where were they on October 31, 1984? 1984 was the year when Prime Minister of India was assassinated by two of her very trusted body guards, reason of her assassination was that she had ordered attack on the Golden Temple the Holiest temple of Sikhs In Amritsar India। She had reports that some of the fundamentalist Sikhs were ready to demand a separate state for Sikhs and had backing of Pakistan to wage war against India। Sikhs who were in forefront of the agitation against England during Quit India movement refused to a separate nation in 1947 when Pakistan was created out of India. Whatever the reasons behind the demand for a separate Sikh nation is or was it was/is a political demand which has nothing to do with a law abiding citizen. After the attack on Golden temple by the Indian Government Sikhs all around the world felt humiliated and hurt. People were against government for such an extreme step which destroyed part of the Sikh temple and Holy seat known as Akal Takahat. Lots of youth had burning desire for revenge but it was against government not Hindus, Muslims or Christians for that reason. Out come of that revenge was that two of very trusted bodyguards killed the first and only vibrant women Prime Minister of this developing nation. News was out that Prime Minister was killed by her Own Body Guards and they happened to be Sikhs that was enough for the party loyalists to mobilize crowds of people and they started attacking Sikhs in Delhi, First such attack was on the President of India (Who was a Sikh) in front of the Police commissioner of Delhi, sent message to rioters that If a President can be attacked, it is alright to attack whoever is a Sikh. Sikhs heard of the minor incidents around so they all gathered in their neighborhood temples and decided to face the crowds together in case they were attacked. They still were under impression that Police and Army of the country will protect them. People in the forefront of the attacks on Sikhs were none other then the same people who have taken oath under constitution that they will safeguard the rights and life of the People of India, Congress which was the Governing party of the country at that time decided to take revenge from the killers and for them killer was any one who wore Turban, who was a Sikh no matter if he or she was 4 year old. Son of the Slain Prime Minister, who was in charge, had given clear indications that he was not against attacks on Sikhs, infact made clear that people should be allowed to seek revange for their beloved leader. He was made Prime Minster of the country and issued a statement after the Massacre that “when a large tree falls lot of shrubs gets buried under it and it shakes the earth as well” I still wonder what he meant by that…॥ He had no remorse for the hunting Images of the children being burnt alive. When crowds were unable to harm Sikhs together, they took police to task and police ordered Sikhs not to assemble at one place and go to their homes. When protectors turn into assassins who else you can trust, it was matter of few hours that the same policemen were showing rioters way to the homes which belonged to the Sikhs and at this point Sikhs were segregated and could not face the huge crowds of people who not only killed men women and children but they burnt them Alive with pouring gasoline on their bodies, Putting burning tires around their necks. It was horrible dance of death on the Streets of Delhi which was supported by the Government of India. Parts of it were captured by the International Media which still exists on the Internet. I have seen those Images and whenever I think about them they haunt me, how can human beings will have some one swallow gasoline and then lit their face????????? I can’t find answers to all such questions, but It is more then 22 years, government has established many fact finding committees, majority of them found Government Machinery guilty along with elected cabinet Ministers and Senior party members of the Congress, but none so far has been punished for their crimes…. What crime? Was killing Sikhs a Crime? Not in those days……… it was an act of bravery and Nationalism! I wonder if It was…. They could not decorate those crowds with the Gallantry awards because of the fear of International community otherwise they would have honored all those brave killers with medals and Citations. As none was punished for more then twenty thousand deaths who were burnt alive, hacked to death, Kids were cut into pieces, Men were held from their long hair and dragged on the roads till their death, If they were shot to death, death would have been pleasant, but they were killed for hours and hours and many of them must have prayed Oh lord what more you want? Why not take this life away॥ ….This reminds me of a Prayer from Sikhism, where 10th Guru of the Sikhism Gobind Singh Ji communicates with the Almighty. When he was fighting Moguls (Who were converting Hindu’s to Islam by Force) The Creator Himself does not take the blame, but has sent the Mugal as the messenger of death. There was so much slaughter that the people screamed. Didn't You feel compassion, Lord? O Creator Lord, You are the Master of all. If some powerful man strikes out against another man, then no one feels any grief in their mind. But if a powerful tiger attacks a flock of sheep and kills them, then its master must answer for it. This priceless country has been laid waste and defiled by dogs, and no one pays any attention to the dead. You Yourself unite, and You Yourself separate; I gaze upon Your Glorious Greatness. One may give himself a great name, and revel in the pleasures of the mind, but in the Eyes of the Lord and Master, he is just a worm, for all the corn that he eats. Only one who dies to his ego while yet alive, obtains the blessings, O Nanak, by chanting the Lord's Name. Gobind Singh 10th Guru of Sikhs, who Sacrificed His Father Guru Teg Bahudar Ji when he was only thirteen years of age to save the Hinduism from the Mogul ruler who was converting them to Islam by force, Gobind Singh Ji, blessed Sikhs with a different Identity which was live life of a Saint and Solider, Be Saints but if a powerful oppresses a meek be Soldiers to protect helpless and weak. He had to pay a huge price for this, not only he lost His Father but He also lost two of his elder son fighting the aggression of Moguls who were destroying Hindu temples and converting Hindu’s to Islam. On the one end Sikhs were fighting Moguls on the other they were providing water to the Wounded and Injured Mogul Soldiers, when they were asked why they are saving their enemy answer came we see My Master Gobind Singh in every face॥, Today these are those same Sikhs who were haunted chased dragged to miserable death. I wondered if after seeing this entire carnage one can develop hate for people based on their religion, I did whatever possible to see if I was one of them. Sikhism does not preach hate for any individual religion or creation, not even for those who have harmed you. If there was any feeling that was a human inside me. Was that hate for people responsible for the acts or for the Government which could have protected thousands of lives from the miserable death? I grew up thinking what was the fault of four year or a child who was just born few weeks ago, who had barely learned how to smile, who have barely lifted his hand to touch his mother, who had barely cried enough…. What was his/her fault? Did he or she have a religion? Did they know what Sikhs were and what Hindu’s are? Who could be hold responsible for their cries? Have people lost their consciousnesses? I have thousands of such questions but have no answers, I always wanted to find what happen to those who were in middle of human genocides, one such person was a Sikh Lorry Driver who had gone to Delhi just to drop off fruit and he found himself in middle of the riots. He was along with another elderly 75 year old Driver with white long beard and a saintly character, According to the Young Lorry Driver “ I asked Baba Ji, that these are bad times and we should find place to hide ourselves somewhere in the lorry, His reply was Don’t you fear I am an old man they won’t hurt me, you all young people should hide yourself and I will stay out to make sure that they do not look inside the trucks for you. He was calm with love of creator flowing in his heart, never thought humans can be so cruel, and another elderly Sikh Driver volunteered to stand with this old grandfatherly person. It was within minutes that we saw a large number of crowd marching towards lorry stand, they gave no chance to this old man to explain anything, some one hit him with a stick while his hands were folded in humility, none had mercy on this old person, he fell down on the ground with his turban off his head. He tried to stand up with his folded hands but was kicked again and was not allowed to speak, some one holed him from his white beard, which was such a disgrace to his religion and to him as a human, His hands were still folded but none had mercy in their eyes, while the other Sikh driver was being kicked and people started pouring gasoline on him, His hands too were folded, Seeking mercy. Seeing his beard pulled and his fellow Sikh doused in gasoline, elderly man took out his Kirpan (6inch unsharpened Knife, which is mandatory for all Sikhs) but he was too weak and old for the crowd, he did became solider for a minute to protect a helpless man who was burnt alive, he was running in flames all around and the crowed chased his burning body till he fell down on the ground, others snatched the Kirpan from old man and pierced his eyes with the same and started pouring Gasoline on him, he was in so much pain that could not take hands off his eyes and he sat down in prayer position , Perhaps asking oh My Lord it is beyond what I can bear why not take me to the world where hate doesn’t exist where people have mercy in their eyes and respect for elderly and helpless. He too was set on fire. He did not ran but pain of the fire made him rumble the ground, He too died in couple of minutes and rioters started burning trucks belonging to Sikhs, so if any one was inside them would burn inside. We were hiding on the roof top of a shed and witnessed the gory murders. All of us found ourelves taking our turbans off our head and tears rolling down our eyes, one of the drivers had a sharp knife and he started cutting his hair, while crying loudly, we all followed him one by one so we can save our lives, our bracelets also came off, anything which could identify us as a Sikh were off us, Beards were also half cut, we walked off the roof and got hold off the rods and sticks which were lying around and ran after the crowed raising anti Sikh Slogans, now we were part of the crowd which was hunting Sikhs, smaller crowds keep joining the large crowd and we became a large sea of people with only one motive find Sikhs and kill them, Mob was led by a congress leader who has acquired the list which indicated which homes belonged to Sikhs, it was not Hindus verses Sikhs but more like politics verses Sikhs a rioters verses Sikhs, lots of Hindu families had provided shelter to their Sikh neighbors, so they can be protected from the wroth of fundamentalists, as we were moving ahead with the crowd and reached a Sikh neighborhood, rioters started burning cars homes and business establishments belonging to Sikhs right in front of the police which was encouraging rioters to take revenge for the death of a Prime Minister from innocent children parents and their grandparents. All the Sikh police men were stripped off their arms and ammunition and were left to defend themselves bare handed many lost their lives while the rest hide themselves in the police stations. Sikhs were dragged one by one from their homes and hacked, kicked, stabbed and then burned if they were still alive. It was amusement for the crowed to pour gasoline on a living Sikh and lit him to fire and watch them running from one corner to the other, laughter’s were plenty, people were enjoying the festival of Lorhi the only difference was that this time they were burning live human beings instead of wood. Naked dance of death was repeated again and again in front of my eyes but I was helpless to do anything, though we were shouting as a crowd don’t harm children and older folks, I thought that might deter people and they would spare children and elderly, but not, this was a day free for all to attain new skills, they had an open field to set some records of how many Sikhs they lynched. Children who were crying and running behind their parents to protect them, to hold them to kiss them were also set on fire by the crowd, seeing this one of our drivers could not handle and ran to save one such child and in doing so he exposed his bracelet and people came to know he was a Sikh, people started beating him, he tried his best to fight them, but he was just one in front of thousands of killers, who killed him with slaps sticks, daggers and their favorite weapon gasoline was again used to char his body, so was done to those little children, their fault? They were born into a Sikh family, their fearful eyes and cries still haunt me, I was not brave enough to save them, I wished at that moment if I could kill the crowd of Killers, but how? I found my way back and kept walking among the rioters claiming to be one of them for next two days when finally curfew was clamped and Army was brought into the town, Son did took revenge for her mother’s death from Innocent children and their parents, thousands were left Orphans and hundreds widows to live with horrifying images of the killings of their parents and husbands in front of their eyes. Sikh temples were burnt Holy books were torn to pieces and people who tried to protect the temples were burnt inside. I had no desire left to live after seeing all that but I had children back home and old parents to take care of. I left that town never to go back there again. I almost every day still think of those two days when law was in the hands of rioters and Government was encouraging them. All responsible for the massacre were applauded by the party high command and the son of the Slain Prime Minister, Thousand of Sikhs left their homes businesses and started moving towards Punjab, a Sikh dominated State. Not even an apology was issued for the loss of human life. My quest to know more about 1984 took me to 30 year old Sikh who was only 6 years of age during the 84 riots. He mentions “We had a very prosperous life; my father had transport business, lived in a nicer neighborhood with my parents and grandparents, it was a morning of fear, every one was tuned to TV and radio to hear what was happening next, smaller incidents were not stopped and government officials were encouraging masses to take revenge and loot, they were told no action would be taken against them… that is true till date none has been prosecuted for over thousands of deaths. My father and grandfather were afraid for all of us, My grandfather was encouraging my father to cut his hair and go to the neighbors home and hide himself while he will fight the rioters, now when I think of my grandfather who was in his 70’s wanted to save my father some how but my father was not willing to cut his hair and he was of the opinion that he would be able to talk to rioters, He wanted us to go to a Hindu neighbors home, we went there to seek refuge as they were close family friends, I still remember their words of their daughter in Law, “Serpents heads should be crushed not provided refuge”, while rest of the family wanted to give us safe place to stay but were helpless in front of New daughter in law. We walked back to our home and decided that we will stay in the home with father and grandfather, It was not acceptable to my father and grandfather, so he told my mother to dress me as a girl, my mother took off my Patka (Head gear Sikh Boys wear) and made brads of my hair and we went out of our home looking for safety in the wild world of merciless killers. My father told me if any one asks if I was a Sikh, say no … we are Hindu’s, my mother was wearing a Bindi (Hindu women wear on their forehead) so was my grandmother. My father took off all our bracelets and Sikh symbol from my Grandmother and told her to walk to a Gurudwara where lots of Sikhs have assembled to save themselves. We went out of the home, we had barely crossed few lanes that we saw a huge crowed of rioters moving towards our neighborhood, they asked us if we have seen any Sikhs around, my mother nodded yes and gave them a wrong direction, some of them started running towards the wrong direction but the rest had the addresses of Sikh families and they moved towards where we lived, After waiting for few minutes, my grandmother handed me to my mother and told her no matter what, you have to save the life of my grandson and I am going back home to save my son. My mother insisted that she should not go back as she will get killed herself, She loved his son more then herself so she started running towards the home and we started walking behind my running grandmother, She was shouting my son is innocent, he has never harmed any one, we hide ourselves behind a wall and saw rioters killing my grandmother right in front of my eyes, my mother was holding my mouth so I don’t shout and get killed, she turned back and started walking towards the safety knowing that with in next few minutes her husband and father in law would be given a miserable death. We reached to a Gurudwara (Sikh Temple), it was filled with Sikhs, youths were holding swords to protect children and families from Hindu rioters, as we entered Gurudwara and my mother started crying bitterly. We stayed there for few days; government has finally decided to bring some law to the capital after condemnations from all around the world. My mother went back to our home immediately after curfew was imposed along with some other neighbors, she fond our home was burnt so was my father and Grandfather, my grandmother was lying dead in front of the home for past two days, My mother never recovered from that shock. Trucks were sent to pick up the half burnt bodies from all over Delhi, I still see the images online and it reminds me of my story of 1984. After situation improved little bit, we moved back to Punjab, where we had some relatives. I had my education there but I always hated that country and I think I still hate it. I miss the touch of my father, I miss when he used to carry me on his shoulder and take out for a walk, I remember he would rush back to home straight from the work just to be with me, any thing and everything I wanted he provided me, I was orphaned and none can understand how much I miss him. My mother still goes back to Delhi and Punjab where she has family memories but since I came to England I never went back and have no desire or wish to visit that nation again”. I wonder how his childhood was destroyed, I am off the same age he is and I was disturbed and am still disturbed by stories and news coverage. What about people who were in middle of it? Would they ever heal? Would they ever get Justice? Would India by appointing a Sikh Prime Minister thinks to wash off its hands from the Sikh genocide? Would guilty be ever punished? Does international Community would ever seek justice for those thousands of families? Despite the dozen commissions which established the key people who instigated the riots still serve in the Government. I saw a beautiful movie Amu which is reflects 1984 in a softer light but still conveys the message. I did found myself in middle of all this, Born as a Sikh I could not believe my eyes what I was watching on the television and what I was hearing, Despite the fact that I was raised in a very spiritual atmosphere without any notion of hate and envy, I found myself on the Crossroads whether to hate all Hindus or Just the Rioters or to forgive them? Who was I to forgive anyone, but I do want to see those responsible for the massacre brought to justice. I was in 8th grade but every evening and every night I thought of it. None was interested in bringing guilty to the court; life was usual for all except the ones who had lost their loved ones or who could not bear the pain of those little children and innocent elders. Many Youth frustrated with the lawlessness and apathy took law into their own hands and took guns to take revenge not only of Amritsar attack but also attack on Sikhs in Delhi. Youth who should be enjoying the days of playful youth, or studying for their future had only one desire, revenge and a Separate homeland where Sikhs would not be massacred again, Guns against guns were loud, many cops got killed many innocent Hindu’s lost their lives and thousands of Sikh youths got killed. Who was the winner? I still wonder the mother who lost all his sons because they wanted to take revenge for all those little souls, or those Hindu’s who had nothing to do with the Delhi riots but still have to pay price for being Hindu’s Majority of the youths in Punjab were killed by the police, even if they were not involved in the Militant activities. I certainly can’t find a winner except those who were responsible for the 1984 Massacre of the Innocent Sikhs; they are shielded, protected and provided handsome rewards. Can I blame Government of India for the Massacre? Sure I can as Government did not perform the Duty of a Guardian. My Understanding is that India has not learnt its lesson from the 1984 riots otherwise they would have stopped from Godra Massacre. It took more then ten years and thousands of lives to bring back peace in Punjab after 1984. How long politicians will play politics of religion to divide and rule? How long people in India would fall to their trap? It reminds me of a Poem Recited By Guru Gobind Singh when He got the News that His two eldest sons 12 years and 14 years were Martyrs for the cause to save Hindus and his two Youngest 7 years and 9 years are being bricked alive as they refused to convert to Islam. Subject is so vast and stories so hunting that I can keep writing about it, but it is the same saga with each individual and each family, different circumstances. I wish it was a bad dream and I can move on but it is a nightmare which will haunt especially to them who lost their loved ones in front of their eyes. Those who are left behind would die every moment thinking of those times. If hate can bring peace and answers to all these questions then every one would be living with peace, but unfortunately hate brings more hate and humans lose ability to think what is right and what is not. Hate is no answer to all the sufferings but sure justice to those who were innocents and punishment for those who were guilty will bring peace to some. You Tube has some videos and Graphic Images of 1984, most of them are television news footing of western media, I will suggest not to watch.

In Search of Happy Town!

In growing economy and wealth, grows number of rich people, with their growth grows transport on roads and Malls in suburbs, World looks beautiful homes palatial. Opportunities to education and better paying jobs increase, but it is the same old world for this 75 year old couple, they have seen the days when there was hardly any transport on the roads and people preferred to walk. Days were good when every one had little to brag about but had the heart and desire to share whatever little they had. I wonder how life was for this 75 year old couple, they live in a small village right by the bank of a beautiful stream which comes through the beautiful hills and mountains. Wind waves the long willow trees and it seems as if they are trying to hug each other. One can see the beautiful blossom in the apple orchids and open fields, beautiful forest surrounding this village makes this a dream land! Everything was beautiful in this village, people, homes, surroundings, but all was not as it looks from the cover. Couple had a cow and few sheep’s which were bought by their son with the thought that cow would give milk and that would help parents with fresh healthy milk. It was a nice thought but son left with his wife soon after they moved to this home in Village, it was important that children get better education as they have to compete in ever progressing world. I noticed that this old man would go every evening to a higher ground right in front of his house and watch the last bus coming to the village, I was curious and asked what is the reason that he without any break sits on that ground, His answer was I am looking if my son and Grand children are in the bus….. I could not understand and asked again but they are not coming, he smiles and tells me how you know he might!! When I was in the Military I would track a large mountain down just to see my son and I would go back, every one thought I was sleeping, it took me seven hours to track but I could save and spend one hour more with him if I ran half way.. So I did that, It is a bond between me and my son, you won’t understand” I asked why I won’t understand? He replied because money is more important to young people then relations, I wanted to ask him his son too was a young and ambitious person but I thought that might hurt the soars of this old man, who knows that his son is not coming but he still sits there with the hope that he may be back one of these days. I watch him wait till the last person de-boards the bus and walks pass him and every one would tell him may be tomorrow your son would come. He was a strong old man, who is known for his heroic acts and dare devil skills but no one knew that his heart beats thousand times per second for his son; even today he would not show how much he wants to see his son. He come back to his home and went straight to his room where he has pictures of his son, he would look at them touch them and then would go back to his bed, right next to his bed he has kept an album, it had all the pictures of his son, He will open Album and start looking into the pictures and would smile and play with his son, for a moment I thought he must have lost his senses but again, he is as sharp as I am if not less, he speaks much more effectively then I can, no he is not it is just my imagination or I can’t fathom that love can make you like this. His lovely wife brought him dinner; his words were we had seen good days when my wife would cook and we always had more then few people for dinner, they lived in an area which was closer to the temple and any one close went to the temple got invited to dinner. It was their son who wanted them to move to the village as it was more peaceful compare to the town, so this old man sold his house in town and built a nice place in village with the thought that it will accommodate whole family and they will live happy after, little they knew that with in couple of months of stay in Village their son and his family missed the lifestyle and convenience of the town. It was a hard piece of Pie for the old couple to swallow and let their son move 100 miles away from them but they had no choice, infect whatever savings they had they give it to their son and family as they wanted him to be comfortable and buy a home or land in town. After watching the old man go to sleep after looking at those pictures I am invited by the generous old lady to sit with her on outer Verandah, I could not resist to ask her, If her husband was fully conscious, she looked at me smiled and said yes he is normal but he loves his son too much! He cries when alone looking at his pictures… She told me that few months ago father went to town to see his son, who he had not seen for few months, he went to his house, daughter in law was home……… she got annoyed that he was not wearing proper clothes…….. clothes which can match her status In the society, so she created a big scene and when his son came he also took her side and told his father that he should be aware of his reputation and respect in the community. Obviously old man was hurt and did not eat anything whole night and in the early morning he said good bye to his grandchildren and his son who was for sure grown more then this old man had thought. He came back to his village for never to go back to that house again. But he still hopes his son will come one day after realizing how much he loves him… She told me that after giving their savings to their son, what they have left is pension from the Army he worked for and it is not even enough for two of us to survive, He used to invite lots of people for dinner, now if he invites any, one of us goes empty stomach to bed. He is aware of it and I know it bothers him a lot inside but he is not the kind who would complain. Cow which was bought by their son has not been giving milk for the past 4 years and doctors have confirmed that she would bear a calf again but he still every morning wakes up to take her to woods when someone tells him to sell this cow and get a new one, at least you will have some milk. He is so attached to it because it was brought by his son, no matter what………. he will keep it” I was amazed at few of the things this old lady was telling me, She told me his eye sight is week and they can’t afford to buy new glasses, she knows he can’t see well as he is having difficult time to look at the pictures of his son so she got magnifier from one of her friends and told him that he should not stress his eyes and use magnifier to look at the pictures, he does that when no one is around him. She said he goes to town once a month to collect pension, it is so meager that it can barely buy daily needs so she has raised chickens and ducks as he is very found of meat, wheat and rice grows in the fields, vegetables are few but few friends who know how to grow vegetables drop by without the knowledge of husband. Neighbors know our financial situation but no one dares to say anything as they know that old man would retaliate to any comment, should not accept any help smaller or larger, it is wife who creates a balance in the family. He wakes up in the morning chants few prayers and gets ready for breakfast without milk as they can’t afford it. After he finishes his breakfast he is ready to go to the woods with his cow and few sheep’s, each one has a name and he calls them by their name and I was told that he carries his album and magnifier with him and sits under a tree and when he is ready to move from one tree to the other he calls his herd by name and they all come and sit next to him. He is liked by all in the village and lots of people go to woods just to see him and talk to him. He also shares the story of war he had fought and won but after winning all those wars he lost the war with himself. His routine is to come back home around 4:30 he would go upstairs Verandah and looks towards river and forest behind it. Wife brings evening tea with home made bread, which both of them sip while talking their daily routine including the condition of his shoe which is torn underneath and his feet touches the ground but the upper part is still nice. He has few military boots but they are too heavy for him to wear, they laugh at their condition with heavy hearts and move on to the next topic. After their tea ritual it is time for him to go back to the higher ground to see the last bus of the day and wait too see if son was one of the passengers. He can’t reach before this bus as it is a seven hour journey and two bus transfers. Some times some one would come and tell him that they saw his son and would bring smile to him, he will ask them many questions, like how he looked and what did he say? Did he ask about me? Was he healthy? ….and many such questions with very few answers. He had kept a nice pair of slacks and shirt so if he has a chance to go back to his sons place he would wear those so they are not embarrassed… as us usual he comes back to his room looks at the pictures looks at the Album eats his dinner and goes to Sleep.. Now I hurt to think how he must be feeling, I looked at him with loving eyes and wanted to hug him tight but I was shy to do that. I went back to sit with the Old Lady at the verandah, she looked into my eyes and told me that her husband would not live long because he is hurting all the time and he thinks of nothing except his son. She told me that once when their child stopped berating for no reason it was her husband who ran seven miles towards city carrying their son on his shoulder and stopped only when he heard the cry of his son. It was relief for both of us to see him cry and that was the day we decided to move to town. I think what my son is doing is right; he is making sure his children get best of life and education as we wanted for him. He really doesn’t want to come or want us to visit him because his wife thinks we can be bad influence on their children. I have accepted the realty of life and just wish that my husband passes before me so he does not have to suffer my loss as well. I could see the eyes full of tear, they were saying different story then what she told me, She wanted to hold her son the same way she used to hold him when he was a child, he must be grown up but he is still little baby for both his parents, She too was hurting but she has compromised with it. I wonder if their unseen wounds would ever heal. I wonder if she stops cooking nice sweets for his birthday. I wonder if he will stop waiting for the last bus. I wonder………